Real theft was quality
REVIEW: The latest 'Andromeda' comes up empty once again
By MICHAEL HINMANSource: SyFy Portal
Oct-21-2001
I hope Monday morning there is a memo that goes out to the entire production crew of "Gene Roddenberry's Andromeda" that there is to be no more napping during working hours.
And if those responsible for "A Heart For Falsehood Frame" weren't napping, then I am worried about the rest of the second season of this series.
What a mess. That's all I can really say about this episode. It was a pure mess. I had to watch it twice just to try and follow what the heck was going on through this mish-mash of poor writing, even worse acting and directing that could only be defined using the loosest of terms. If "Andromeda" was looking to match the quality of other first-run syndicated shows like "Cleopatra 2525" and other "masterpieces," they are definitely achieving that goal.
For those of you who watched it and still had no idea what was going on, Dylan Hunt (Kevin Sorbo) turns into an ambassador and tries to broker a peace agreement between a race that was more like a cross between a Ferengi and Boss Hogg of "The Dukes of Hazzard" and some poorly designed insect race. Why is it that when people run out of ideas for alien races, they always try to get them to mimic insects or reptiles? This was a poor follow of the great makeup prosthetics we found in the season premiere of the Magog's new look.
Yes, napping on the set. And that's what I had to try and stop myself from doing while watching this episode as well.
The biggest item of contention for the two races is some gem stone that is very valuable to our greedy Mayor Doge Miskich (Peter Kelamis) and insect lady with a name longer than Lwaxana Troi's title, played by Nicole Parker. The interesting thing about her is that she had the predictable modified voice, and her little claw mouth didn't move half the time, and never moved in sequence with her speech. I've seen Kung Fu films dubbed better than that.
Of course, while Dylan is busy trying to make peace between these two species, Beka Valentine (Lisa Ryder) and her valiant Eureka Maru crew are on the station the Andromeda Ascendant is docked at trying to steal the diamond back. Well, that is until she meets Leydon (Anthony Lemke), a bad guy turned cop -- who believe it or not, is still a bad guy! No way!! I bet you never saw it coming, either!
I used to think the worst dialogue in the world was in children's programming. But I was wrong. It's in this episode. It was filled with so many cliches, and so many colloquialisms that I'm sure died a long time before this time period that I think I kept missing the little bit of plot there was because I was too busy wretching.
There was, I think, a single line that stood out to me, and that was the short conversation between Beka and Seamus Harper (Gordon Michael Woolvett) when they were talking about her building romance with Leydon. "He reminds you of you," Harper says. "Then I know I can't trust him," responded Beka.
Great line, and was really definitive of her character. But!!! Beka suffers from instant amnesia because not just minutes later, she is meeting with Leydon again, and discovers he has the real diamond and she pulls a weapon on him. He is definitely beat, but yet he easily convinces her to drop her guard completely. Lucky for her, he wasn't trying to overpower her ... I guess even Leydon felt enough pity to let her have a point or two. I wouldn't have.
What was even worse, Beka decided to pull out her ONLY good dress. Yeah .. she wears this lavish outfit to meet with Leydon the day before. She changes outfits in what is a definite passage of time, but next thing you know, the two are meeting again -- and guess what? She is suddenly wearing the exact same dress again! Are we writing the scripts before we film or after? Talk about cutting corners on the budget ...
Oh, and back to the bad lines. Ick. "It takes a thief to catch a thief." "Finders keepers ..." ::hack, hack::
I didn't pay attention to the opening credits when I first watched the episode because I was too busy trying to figure out what the hell was going on ... and I was very saddened to see that a very talented writer in Ethlie Ann Vare wrote this. I guess everyone has their bad days, even someone who has a proven track record like Vare. Shame.
OK ... one more positive to try and balance out what is definitely a review of a piss-poor episode. Whoever got on the backs of the people that handle the episode scoring ... thank you, thank you. The music actually felt like it fit the episode. Nothing was played that was glaring, and I forgot the music was even there ... which means it was perfect in setting the proper mood for each scene. I especially liked the score behind the final minute of this episode when Beka is looking back at the space station and yet another failed love ...
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Michael Hinman is the news editor and co-owner of SyFy Portal. He lives in Tampa, Fla.
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